"Hey guys! I found this cat behind the coffee shop and wanted to know if he belonged to anyone. No collar, male, black tan and gray, NOT friendly (he may be scared), not house broken. If this is your cat, let me know."
"Not mine! But I have seen Matt S. feeding this cat coffee grounds late at night. Thanks, Matt, for making this dangerous cat even more dangerous! A concerned neighbor."
"I've seen that cat wandering around. It always asks people for money. It's bad for business. Do we have an officer we can contact about this cat before things get out of hand?"
Surely they jest! If they want to know what a REAL cat looks like, here's my picture. Notice that I do NOT look anything like that ugly possum!
Kiki Cat, signing off