Sunday Salon ~ teaching Sunday school

This morning I'll be teaching the Seekers Sunday school class.  They'll be my face-to-face Sunday Salon discussion.  Yes, they talk.  They aren't bashful, and the class often goes off on a tangent to something one of them read or saw or heard about.  Recently we talked about the newly surfaced papyrus fragment about Jesus's wife that Harvard Divinity School professor Karen L. King announced at the International Association for Coptic Studies, meeting in Rome earlier this month.  The Vatican has, of course, already called it a fake.  One line ends this way:

Jesus said to them, "My wife..."

Dr. King said in the Harvard Gazette article "Suggestion of a married Jesus" by B. D. Colen:

“Christian tradition has long held that Jesus was not married, even though no reliable historical evidence exists to support that claim,” King said. “This new gospel doesn’t prove that Jesus was married, but it tells us that the whole question only came up as part of vociferous debates about sexuality and marriage. From the very beginning, Christians disagreed about whether it was better not to marry, but it was over a century after Jesus’ death before they began appealing to Jesus’ marital status to support their positions.”

I'm interested in another line of the papyrus.

Twice in the tiny fragment, Jesus speaks of his mother and once of his wife — one of whom is identified as “Mary.” The disciples discuss whether Mary is worthy, and Jesus states that “she can be my disciple.”

The idea of women disciples can be just as controversial with some folks as whether or not Jesus was ever married.

“The discovery of this new gospel,” King said, “offers an occasion to rethink what we thought we knew by asking what role claims about Jesus’ tmarital status played historically in early Christian controversies over marriage, celibacy, and family. Christian tradition preserved only those voices that claimed Jesus never married. The Gospel of Jesus’ Wife now shows that some Christians thought otherwise.”

Those of you who regularly read this blog know this is the kind of thing that interests me.  It's kind of fun to have people in the class call or email me to tell let me know about things like this, usually found in that morning's paper.  When Jane, my friend from that class, called me early on the day this news broke, she said, "Darn!  I thought surely I'd beat you to this news!"  Nope, I'm a night owl and read about it during the night before, online.

This morning we will be continuing to study from Bishop John Shelby Spong's 2011 book, Re-Claiming the Bible for a Non-Religious World.  That's one of the books he signed for me when I heard him speak in November.  It's the thicker book, on the bottom, and that's why the class is still plugging away at it, months later.

The Seekers Class is interested in some cutting edge theology and has been called by a few "The Heretic Class."  If you lived around here, would you be brave enough to check us out?  I guarantee a more exciting discussion than most of what you'll find on Sunday mornings.

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Friday Five ~ Ubuntu and Ch-Ch-Ch-Change

Martha Spong @ RevGalBlogPals says:

"Change is hard ... change is usually a big effort.  For this Friday Five, please answer these five questions about change."

1)  Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and seen yourself with surprise?  Why?

Sure!  My eyes still think I'm 18 and thin.  Or maybe 35 and still walking with great confidence as if I expect someday to be "in control" of my little bit of the world.  Occasionally, though, my eyes "normalize" and show me what is actually reflected back from that mirror.  And ya know what?  I'm surprised to see my mother looking at me.  Or sometimes an old woman who seems vaguely familiar.  Very strange optics at my house.

2)  Have you ever witnessed a change in routine at church that upset people?  (Hahahahaha!!!!  I know you have!)

You are (hahahaha!!!!) kidding, right?  Every change upsets someone.  One "upsetting" change was when I removed the American flag from the sanctuary at my first church appointment out of seminary.  I didn't do it when I arrived, but waited years.  When I moved the flag to the church library (rarely used), it took three or four weeks before anyone noticed, but suddenly I was accused of failing to honor our brave World War Two soldiers (it was an elderly congregation).  In spite of my reasoned defense that a place of worship is NOT where we honor ourselves, in spite of my explanation that God and country are NOT the same thing, the flag eventually found its way back into the sanctuary, and I requested a new appointment.  If they weren't willing to accept new people and new ideas and ... dare I use the word? ... change, I wasn't willing to keep pounding my head against that brick wall.  Years later, the church died (I was able to attend their final service) because they could not, would not change.

3)  Have you ever been surprised or inconvenienced by a change in a public setting (not church)?

Oh, yeah!  How about all those orange-and-white barrels closing half the lanes because of construction?  They seem to be constantly moving from one of my regular routes to another, and they always pop up at the most inconvenient times, like when I'm already running late.

4)  Has the passage of time changed your understanding of something you used to think you knew for sure?

The more I've learned, the more I realize how little I know.

5)  Is there something you're trying to change, or want to change, in your life right now?

Changing the world has been a goal since my teens, but I know that's unrealistic.  So how about this?  Now I'd be happy to make the world a bit more compassionate.  I'm doing that in a small group — Jesus gathered a dozen, which seems like a good size to me — and my group tries to implement loving behaviors that make the world a better place for all of us.

My latest word for this is Ubuntu, which in the Xhosa culture means:  "I am because we are."  So I'll end with an Ubuntu story:

An anthropologist proposed a game to the kids in an African tribe.  He put a basket full of fruit near a tree and told the kids that who ever got there first won the sweet fruits.  When he told them to run they all took each others hands and ran together, then sat together enjoying their treats.  When he asked them why they had run like that as one could have had all the fruits for himself they said:  ''Ubuntu!  How can one of us be happy if all the other ones are sad?'

If you want to know more about Ubuntu, read this Wikipedia article, which also has a video of Nelson Mandela explaining the concept.

BTT (#26) ~ carry-ons

Deb @ Booking Through Thursday asks:

"Do you bring the book(s) you’re reading with you when you go out?  How?  Physically, or in an e-reader of some kind?  Have your habits in this regard changed?  (I know I carried books with me more when I was in school than I do now — I can’t read while I’m driving to work, after all.)"

I'm retired, and I wouldn't read while driving anyway.  Driving, however, means I'm going somewhere, and often that "somewhere" is to lunch with a friend or friends.  My closest friends are all readers who like to discuss ideas as much as I do.  So I take both the book I'm reading and my notes from it.  Our discussion may not go in that direction, but if it does, I'm ready.  Having a book handy also means I can share bits of what I've been reading while we wait for our order to arrive.

Art piece by Andrew Barton

On the other hand, if I'm stuck waiting for a friend who's running late, I have the current book to read while I wait for her.  How terrible not to have the book handy if I need it, right?

And on the other hand (what, aren't we all three-handed?), I've always taken books with me, wherever I go.  When I worked in an office, I used to close my door and read while eating lunch.  I could always imagine a worst-case senario, like this:

I'm stuck in traffic on the Interstate highway, with no way to exit.  Maybe a wreck a mile up the road, blocking us all.  Then what?  Sit there alone, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel?  Listen to music while the motor runs, using up all my gasoline?  Get out and talk to others in the lanes around me?  No, it's the perfect opportunity to read the book that I just happen to have with me.  Ta-da!

Yes, I physically take a book with me, since I don't have an e-reader.  Are you a book-taker, too?

The Great Reversal

Signing her book for Donna

When I wrote about Christianity After Religion on Monday, I promised my next post would be about what Diana Butler Bass calls "The Great Reversal."  First, let me tell you that on pages 199-200, she quotes this YouTube video:


(If the video quits working, here's the link to the YouTube site.)

Using this same idea, Diana Butler Bass flips our usual way of talking about religion and spirituality on its head.

"For the last few centuries, Western Christianity ordered faith in a particular way.  Catholics and Protestants taught that belief came first, behavior came next, and finally belonging resulted, depending on how you answered the first two questions.  Churches turned this pattern into rituals of catechism, character formation, and confirmation. ... Believe, behave, belong.  It is almost second nature for Western people to read the religious script this way" (p. 201).

But that's not how it has always been.

"About five hundred years ago, Western Christianity divided from a single church into five different major church families:  Roman Catholicism, Lutheranism, Reformed Christianity, Anglicanism, and Anabaptist faith.  Each group felt the need to defend itself against all the others, making clear its interpretation of the Bible and theology" (p. 201).

Aha!  The emphasis shifted, and theologies had to be systematized.  They had to get the teachings straight.  They had to prove their beliefs were more biblical than the others.  They were wrestling with the ideas, the words, the beliefs.  And so that had to come first.

Now things are changing.  At the end of my last post, I wrote about our need for connection, for belonging:

The construction of selfhood has shifted from individualism to asking, Who are my friends?  It's about community.  So today we have social networking, not merely a tool but a way of life.  It's the place where community happens.  The need for connection is powerful, as shown by Twitter, Facebook, and all the rest of the social networks.

The Great Reversal turns things around.  We start with belonging, with our neighbors, with relationships, networks, and communities.  From there, we get to practices that draw participants into crafting a way of life and learning how to behave.  Out of belonging and behaving, we reach conviction and understandings of God through an encounter in the context of life experience — and reach believing.

Believing, Behaving, Belonging

is now

Belonging, Behaving, Believing.

It's reversed.  Instead of focusing of dogma, rules, and membership, the focus is on communities, practices as a way of life, and conviction based on life experience.  Or as she says,

"The current awakening is marked by its insistence on connection, networks, relationship, imagination, and story instead of dualism, individualism, autonomy, techniques, and rules" (p. 237).

So where will we find "communities of belonging" (p. 263)?  Maybe not in our churches, which are seen by many today as "museums of religion" (p. 258).  I don't have an answer, but I'm working on it.

How do I rate this book?  It's an excellent book, and I rate it 9/10.

Diana Butler Bass ~ Christianity After Religion

Diana Butler Bass used lots of visuals in her presentation a week ago.  Here, she is pointing to the screen.  She says "four shocks" contributed to our current climate of faith.

2001 ~ religion was associated with VIOLENCE after September 11th and the planes flying into the towers.

2002 ~ religion was associated with ABUSE after the Roman Catholic scandal.

2003 ~ religion was associated with INCIVILITY and EXCLUSION after mainline conflict about gays.

2004 ~ religion was associated with PARTISANSHIP after the evangelical entanglement with politics.

In other words, religion didn't look so good any more, and "unaffiliated" (with 4% atheist) became the fastest-growing group on polls of religious affiliation.  Add agnostics to those who are unaffiliated, and we have 9% who are out of religion.  When polls asked whether people are spiritual or religious (or both, or neither), two numbers had changed dramatically between 1999 and 2009:

• Spiritual, but not religious = stayed the same, at 39%
• Neither spiritual nor religions = stayed the same, at 9%

But the other two changed a lot:

• Religious, but not spiritual = went down dramatically
• Both spiritual and religious = went way up, by 50%

What do people mean by the words?

RELIGION:  "An institution that has organized matters pertaining to belief and that derives authority from external sources."

People used to talk about "organized religion," but now the word "organized" has been subsumed into "religion."  When we say "religion" these days, we mean what "organized religion" once meant.

SPIRITUAL:  "An experience that connects one with a deeper sense of self and the divine, wherein authority is validated through internal sources."

To sing "He Lives" ("he walks with me and he talks with me") is a form of testimony.  It is self-authenticating, something experienced within oneself.  And experiential religion means you "get it" inwardly.  Head knowledge becomes heart knowledge.

Diana Butler Bass refers to what she calls the THREE B's.  She suggests the kinds of questions a poll might ask to learn where a person stands in each category:

• Believing (Understanding) ~ Do you believe God exists?
• Behaving (Action) ~ Have you attended a religious service in the last week?
• Belonging (Identity) ~ Are you Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist?

But these categories can also be delineated as either religious questions or spiritual questions:

THE RELIGIOUS QUESTIONS

Believing:  What do I believe? ~ and we get Creeds and Dogma
Behaving:  How do I do that? ~ and we get Rules and Techniques
Belonging:  Who am I? ~ and we have Membership and Choices

THE SPIRITUAL QUESTIONS

Believing:  How do I believe that? ~ and we refer to Experience and Reason
Behaving:  What should I do now? ~ derived from Discernment and Purpose
Belonging:  Whose am I? ~ which is about Relationship and Community

The construction of selfhood has shifted from individualism to asking, Who are my friends?  It's about community.  So today we have social networking, not merely a tool but a way of life.  It's the place where community happens.  The need for connection is powerful, as shown by Twitter, Facebook, and all the rest of the social networks.

In my next post, I'll show you what she calls "The Great Reversal," when she turns all of this upside down.

Sunday Salon ~ books and fun stuff

BOOKS

My roommate Donna checked out a bunch of children's picture books from the library.  All but one are by Douglas Wood, so I had to read them — because Douglas Wood's Old Turtle and the Broken Truth (2003) is one of my favorites.  Here's what she brought home:

Making the World ~ by Douglas Wood, illustrated by Yoshi and Hibiki Miyazaki, 1998, children's, 9/10

Northwoods Cradle Song: From a Menominee Lullaby ~ by Doublas Wood, illustrated by Lisa Desimini, 1996, children's, 8/10

Grandad's Prayers of the Earth ~ by Douglas Wood, illustrated by P. J. Lynch, 1999, children's, 10/10

"Are our prayers answered, Grandad?" I asked.
"Grandad smiled.  "Most prayers are not really questions," he said.  "And if we listen very closely, a prayer is often its own answer.  Like the trees and Winds and waters, we pray because we are here — not to change the world, but to change ourselves.  Because it is when we change ourselves . . . that the world is changed."

Miss Little's Gift ~ by Douglas Wood, illustrated by Jim Burke, 2009, children's, 9/10

The Secret of Saying Thanks ~ by Douglas Wood, illustrated by Greg Shed, 2005, children's, 8/10

"We don't give thanks because we're happy.
We are happy because we give thanks."

A Quiet Place ~ by Douglas Wood, illustrated by Dan Andreasen, 2002, children's, 9/10

No One But You ~ by Douglas Wood, illustrated by P. J. Lynch, 2011, children's, 9/10

God, Can You Hear Me? ~ by Justine Simmons, paintings by Robert Papp, 2007, children's, 8/10

FUN STUFF

On Friday night, we had movie night out by the pool at my apartment complex.  That's Donna dead center, behind the man's shoulder.  We got free popcorn (in those white bags), soft drinks, boxes of movie candy, and three kinds of pizza, as well as prizes.

I won a $25 gift card, and Donna won an insulated bag full of goodies:  three helium-filled balloons (which promptly became cat toys), five coupons for "one free movie on demand," a $15 iTunes gift card, a small lap blanket, and several other small items.  All in all, it was a fun evening, except that the mosquitos found me.  I'm very allergic to bites, so my left elbow and arm are still swollen from several bites.  And it won't stop itching, even after taking my allergy pill, rubbing on itch medicine, and zapping it with hot water and hot blow dryer.

The movie we saw, once it got dark enough, was We Bought a Zoo, a 2011 comedy-drama film based on the 2008 memoir of the same name by Benjamin Mee.  It tells the story of Mee and his family who just moved into a dilapidated zoo and took on the challenge of preparing the zoo for its reopening to the public.

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Friday Five ~ blogging

Jan @ RevGalBlogPals brings us today's subject.  She said, "Blogging at Google's Blogger, I recently was boondoggled by the new designs of the site, which includes my blog. I felt like I had lost track of all the blogs I daily check so that I asked for help both at my blog and on Facebook! Still trying to learn these new ways of blogging, I am turning our minds to blogging for this Friday Five."

1. When did you start blogging? What/who prompted you?

My first post appeared January 30, 2007.  Two book buddies inspired me and invited me to try blogging myself, and both of them commented on my first post.

Stephanie @ Confessions of a Book-a-holic — Click to read her list of excellent children's and YA books.

Marg @ The Adventures of an Intrepid Reader — Click to read one of her posts about book blogging.

2. How often do you post?  How often do you visit blogging friends and/or other blogs?

Until recently, I usually posted every day and sometimes more than that.  Lately, I've been studying my books (as opposed to merely reading through them), and only some of my notes end up on my blog.  On the other hand, I have several blogs so I don't "inflict" all of my interests on any one group of folks.  I usually read (or at least glance over) whatever has been newly posted by the blogs listed on my sidebar as "Blogs I read" every day.

3. Why do you keep on blogging?

Under my profile picture on the sidebar, I say, "I read to explore ideas."  Reading and writing and discussing things is the way I learn and keep up with what interests me.  Blogging is my venue.

4. What do you like to write about?

Whatever I'm reading — or studying.  I like to share what I'm learning.  Over the weekend, I attended a seminar by Diana Butler Bass, so I'll be writing more about her ideas in the near future.

5. Have your blogging habits changed — or are they changing?

Recently, I have been more focused on books about an alternative or emerging Christianity that focuses on greater spiritual depth and actively meeting the needs of people.  That's why I've been doing more in-depth studying.  One really good book was Proverbs of Ashes: Violence, Redemptive Suffering, and the Search for What Saves Us (2001), which was written by Rita Nakashima Brock and Rebecca Ann Parker.  I wrote a bit about Rita's story and Rebecca's story.

Sunday Salon ~ seminar by Diana Butler Bass

Diana Butler Bass, after yesterday's sessions

Diana Butler Bass led a weekend seminar about Christianity After Religion, her latest book.  In July, I discussed the book and Butler Bass's three B's:  believing, behaving, and belonging.

Believing ~ What do I think?
Behaving ~ How should I act?
Behaving ~ What do I do?
Belonging ~ Who am I?

My friend Donna and I attended all three sessions on Friday and Saturday and plan to hear Butler Bass again this morning as she teaches a Sunday school class and preaches a sermon at the church which hosted the seminar.  I have a lot to tell you about what I've learned.

BOOKS

One book arrived this week via UPS.

Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road?: Christian Identity in a Multi-Faith World ~ by Brian McLaren, 2012

When four religious leaders walk across the road, it's not the beginning of a joke.  It's the start of one of the most important conversations in today's world.  Can you be a committed Christian without having to condemn or convert people of other faiths?  Is it possible to affirm other religious traditions without watering down your own?  Brian McLaren proposes a new faith alternative, one built on "benevolence and solidarity rather than rivalry and hostility."  This way of being Christian is strong but doesn't strong-arm anyone, going beyond mere tolerance to vigorous hospitality toward, interest in, and collaboration with the other.  McLaren shows step-by-step how to reclaim this strong-benevolent faith, challenging us to stop creating barriers in the name of God and learn how affirming other religions can strengthen our commitment to our own.  And in doing so, he invites Christians to become more Christ-like than ever before.

One book arrived because Donna and I attended the author's seminar and bought it to get it signed.

Christianity for the Rest of Us: How the Neighborhood Church Is Transforming the Faith ~ by Diana Butler Bass, 2006

For decades the accepted wisdom has been that America's mainline Protestant churches are in decline, eclipsed by evangelical mega-churches.  Church and religion expert Diana Butler Bass wondered if this was true, and this book is the result of her extensive, three-year study of centrist and progressive churches across the country.  Her surprising findings reveal just the opposite — that many of the churches are flourishing, and they are doing so without resorting to mimicking the mega-church, evangelical style.  Butler Bass describes this phenomenon and offers a how-to approach for Protestants eager to remain faithful to their tradition while becoming a vital spiritual community.  As she delved into the rich spiritual life of various Episcopal, United Methodist, Disciples of Christ, Presbyterian, United Church of Christ, and Lutheran churches, certain consistent practices — such as hospitality, contemplation, diversity, justice, discernment, and worship — emerged as core expressions of congregations seeking to rediscover authentic Christian faith and witness today.  This hopeful book reveals the practical steps that leaders and laypeople alike are taking to proclaim an alternative message about an emerging Christianity that strives for greater spiritual depth and proactively engages the needs of the world.

What have you been reading?

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Five-year-old piano prodigy

If this video quits working, click on this YouTube link.

Emma Sue?

Goodbye, Maxine (here and here).  Hello, Emma Sue.  (Emma Sue?)  Let me explain.  Today I traded in Maxine, my 1983 Datsun Maxima, and got a 2000 Subaru Outback.  And I'm guilty of naming my cars.  My friend Donna went with me and, thinking of ways to describe green — as in the car's color — she came up with emerald.  No, no, no!  That's a forest green, not an emerald green!  So she shortened emerald to "Emma" and added "Sue" for Subaru.  Thus, Emma Sue.  Well, I don't know.  What do you think?  Does she look like an Emma Sue to you?

Sunday Salon ~ I've been busy

Perfectly fried okra is my favorite comfort food.  Slice fresh okra, bread it with yellow corn meal, salt it lightly, and fry it in vegetable oil until crispy.  Would you like to know why I wanted comfort food this week?

For starters, there's my car, named Maxine because she's a Maxima.  This shows her on Saturday, September 1st, when I was ready to trade her in for a newer car.  Maxine is a 1983 Datsun Maxima, because Nissan Maximas didn't come out until the following year.  Yes, Maxine is 30 years old, since dealers around town already have 2013 models on their lots.  I decided to keep Maxine when I got really annoyed by the used car salesman's refusal to pin down actual numbers.  Using his figures, my overall cost for the 2006 used car, counting principle and interest, was about double the original asking price I was quoted.  Nope, sorry, I'm not willing to pay that much — or continue to play those used-car-salesman games.  Maxine and I came home together.

On Sunday the 2nd, I led our Sunday school discussion on Matthew, using three chapters from this book:  Re-Claiming the Bible for a Non-Religious World ~ by John Shelby Spong, 2011.

Raegan with her new puppy toy

After Sunday school, I took Raegan and her parents to lunch at Red Lobster.  Her mother, Kenzie, is my granddaughter; her father, Michael, took offense at something I posted on Facebook back in May and spent the summer trying to convince me (on Facebook) that I was wrong.  When I finally un-friended him, it caused a ruckus in my family, so I tried to improve the situation by inviting Michael and family to lunch.  I also invited my friend Donna, who — in defending my stance — also offended them.  So here we are, smiling.

Donna and Kenzie

Michael and Bonnie

I'm not sure it made any difference, since we didn't discuss the "problem" in front of Raegan, but I did try to ease tensions by having us get to know each other a bit better.  On to the next event, which got complicated.

Bea and Sharon, with Jaxon in his great-grandmother's lap at his first birthday party in December.

On Monday the 3rd, which was Labor Day in the United States, my daughter-in-law Sharon learned that her mother (Bea) had died in her sleep.  Sharon asked me to do her mother's funeral, and I offered to go with the family to make arrangements, since that's what pastors do.  On Wednesday the 5th, Maxine wouldn't start when I needed to go to the funeral home, so I borrowed Donna's Saturn.

After we spent hours making funeral arrangements, my son followed me home and jump-started my car.  Maxine ran okay and even started after being turned off — but not the next time I tried.  On Friday the 7th, Donna drove me to the service in her car, since Maxine obviously needs a new battery.  After two hours of visitation, I officiated at the graveside service, inviting those who were present to share their memories.  Friday was a sunny day, with temperatures in the mid-90s, very hot to be outside, even for those of us under a canopy.  I came home hot and tired.

Saturday cooled off considerably, but can you see why I wanted comfort food this week?

P.S.  Jaxon and Raegan are my great-grandchildren.  And here's the book I've been trying (off and on) to read this week:

With or Without God: Why the Way We Live Is More Important than What We Believe ~ by Gretta Vosper, 2008

Envisioning a future in which the Christian church plays a viable and transformative role in shaping society, Gretta Vosper argues that if the church is to survive at all, the heart of faith must undergo a radical change.  Vosper, a minister in Toronto, believes that what will save the church is an emphasis on just and compassionate living — a new and wholly humanistic approach to religion.  Without this reform, the church as we know it faces extinction.

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I would have given the student high marks

A student got 0% on this exam ***

1. In which battle did Napoleon die?

* his last battle

2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

* at the bottom of the page

3. River Ravi flows in which state?

* liquid

4. What is the main reason for divorce?

* marriage

5. What is the main reason for failure?

* exams

6. What can you never eat for breakfast?

* Lunch and dinner

7. What looks like half an apple?

* The other half

8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

* It will simply become wet

9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?

* No problem, he sleeps at night.

10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?

* Very large hands

12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

* No time at all, the wall is already built.

13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

* Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

*** And here's how I know this isn't a real exam:

• The questions aren't about one subject ~ #11 and #12 are about math, #1 is about history, #3 is about geography, #4 is about social studies.
• The questions are made up especially to fit tricky answers ~ Who teaches "how" to drop a raw egg (#13) or "how" to lift an elephant (#10) or "how" to go eight days without sleep (#9)?
• What kind of questions are #6, #7, and #8?

"What can you never eat for breakfast?" (never?)
"What looks like half an apple?" (Looks like?)
"If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?" (become?)

• And the clincher: Napoleon died in bed, not in a battle. See this Wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napoleon
• But wasn't it fun to contemplate?  Yeah!